my perfect song for now.. tell me why

i took a chance, i took a shot

you might think im bullet proof, but im not

you took a swing, i took it hard

and down here from the ground i see who you are

 

im sick and tired of your attitude

im feeling like i dont know you

you tell me that you love me then cut me down

and i need you like a heart beat

but you know you got a mean streak

makes me run for cover when youre around

 

and heres to you and your temper

yes, i remember what you said last night

and i know that you see what youre doing to me

tell me why..

 

you could write a book on how to ruin

someones perfect day

well i get so confused and frustrated

forget what im trying to say

 

why do you have to make me feel so small

so you can feel whole inside

why do you have to put down my dreams

so youre the only thing on my mind

 

i take a step back, let you go

i told you im not bullet proof

now you know..

loved you so much that i acted insane

havent written in a whilleeeee. so much has happened! i went home for thanksgiving :] it was really really good & also really really terrible. i came home to a family so happy to see me and everything seemed perfect you know?  but every ” perfect family” has their problems. the really bad problems. im not even sure what exactly happened, but it ended in the biggest fight i have ever seen between my parents. so much crying, screaming it was terrible. there was one other time when i remember a fight this bad i was 11, and when this happend last week i automatically flashed back to when i was that little girl sitting on the stairs watching what i thought was my family falling apart, but here i am 18 now just sitting there listening, watching , crying but i left. the word divorce just kept pounding in my head. this was saturday morning / afternoon, i left and went to melissas for her and brittany leighs birthday party we got so much stuff and she was so excited the girls showed up and we all decorated, then the party started lots of people showed up from melissas old school, and pope, and beefs, and well everywhere it was a lot of fun sort of like a big reunion. its safe to say that by a hour and a half into this party melissa, brittany, vicki, and well most of the people at this party including myself were WASTED. just gone. victor shows up and he didnt drink because he drove and i was so excited to see him! we were talking outside, and then i hear someone yell my name, it was kathryn so excited to see her… walking with her was john woods, and michael. so happy to see john, but definitely most awkward moment of my life seeing michael, but he gave me a hug and that was that. now this middle part of the party is a definite blurr. because not only was i drinking to forget everything that happened earlier with my parents but my ex boyfriend who “hates” me (or so i thought) has arrived. so this middle part consisted of shots and shots and shots. terrible, i know. we were all having a blast, and the poor vicki girl got sick, but everyone took care of her and she was alright. i went outside to get because it was SO hot in that apartment, and  guess who comes waltzing out… yep michael. strangely enough we started talking, and talking and talking just like normal just like nothing ever happened, so strange. then this talking led to flirting, like we always had before we started dating. then brittany and johnny come out and victor and kathryn but everyone kinda chose different parts of the parking lot to talk in haha. then one of our beautiful drunk best friends comes out to ask if we could all talk inside or someones room so we dont piss the neighbors off, thats fine. so we did of course everyone except sober victor and michael stop in the kitchen and do another shot. then off to lissy’s room. at first there was about six of us in there, and slowly people started leaving until left in the room was me and of course michael. we just sat there and talked, and talked and then he did it. completely sober, completely out of the blue, out of no where he did it.

heh.

a new town, she was the new girl

from out of state, in this new world

city life to the country small town

high life, to this low low down

oh, but that never stopped her

 

she stood out everywhere

she walked around with out a care

she knew she was being judged

but she knew just how strong she was

and nothing in this whole world

could bring her down.

 

a new house, new friends

lots of new starts, some new ends

so young, so scared

but at the same time so prepared

but she’ll never let it show because

 

she stood out everywhere

she walked around without a care

she knew she was being judged

but she knew just how strong she was

and nothing in this whole world

no nothing in this whole wide world

could bring her down

 

she sang a little louder

and fought twice as hard

she knew she’d have to start at the bottom

to end up a star

so many people tried to push her down

but she stood right back up and stood her ground

 

this life, this new world

but she’s the same girl.

with out a care.

a bunch of random thoughts- theres got to be more to life.

well. where to start. im just an empty empty girl these days so sad. i mean ktown is getting better and better everyday dont get me wrong. the people are nicer than ever ive been having a blast ive gone on dates ive sang my heart out in a bar ive acted on a stages. things i love that i found here in knoxville. but, there has to be something more. i go to these classes everyday and look around these people know what they want to do why they are here i dont belong here, but then again im not sure where i belong.

i miss you i miss everbody.

so apartment 1312 is having troubles beyond troubles. poor loni the kid she was dating.. talk about asshole. she ran into him with his ex fiance when she asked what he was doing he said i love her, she said what were you doing with me then? … jealously tool… what a douche. then theres kara, her boyfriend in nyc well. they are on a “break” what the hell i a break anyway. stupid. she saw a picture of him kissing another girl that was against the rules in their “break” i guess.. poor girl. catherine is having troubles but shes not one to open up.. but we do feel sorry for her. and me welll dumb ass me right when im finally content with a past i regret damn kid texts me to let me know he hates me. hehh. yep im a strong girl but i can only take so much. its just not right. he’ll get what he deserves, just as everyone else does

i cant wait to sing, i cant wait. my book of all my songs has turned into 3 books its so exciting. all you boys the old ones the new ones the ones i hurt the ones who hurt me i have dozens and dozens of songs inspired by yall. thanks.

i hope every christina out there has their brittany leigh truzzolino. its the only way i get by shes my best friend. 

so. im rambling its fine only like 4 people look at this anyway if that

thanksgiving is coming and i can not wait to see my family to see my friends to be home. then christmas beautiful break its going to be amazing. kiara and i were talking about old times and how much we took for granted its nuts we truly have the best parents, friends, life. and ive been thanking God everyday <3

loni’s friend just got engaged the other day. she’s 23 its crazy i mean 23 is not that far away, not that i know ill be married by 23 but its so close, and you never know. i cant wait to get married, not that im rushing things but i just cant wait to find that person you know? and have the gorgeous dress, and invite everyone, and to open those doors and step toward that isle and see him the one i want to spend the rest of my life with standing there waiting for me:)

so basically , i am going to do something more with my life. if singing doesnt work we can go act if that doesnt work then we can write. i’ll find something and most importantly i’ll find whats right. Gods got my back

ive made all my apologies. ive tried and tried again. but there is no sense on trying to fix things you cant change. as hard as it seems time heals. life goes on

second chances & boca.

finally home. its so great. i flew home by myself for the first time it was pretty cool i sat next to Rachel the lesbo from the las vegas real world. haha i know right? it was soo good to see my parents and my puppies! I saw rosalie and her family it was like a huge reunion. I saw britt and her sisters, the cheerleaders, megan, and melissa! SO much fun. britt and i also hung out with phil and rainer we had a blast with them. Home seems so different i dont really know why. its beautiful though, and i miss it so much. i took my grandma to the doctor she had to get some shots, but i sat right there with her. shes so cute shes 85. i hope i live to be 85. Last night i went to dinner with friends that i hadnt spoken to in awhile. it was definitely one of those dinners that you see on the hills and on laguna beach, where trying to “patch things up” leads to crying and what not, but ihad to do it. I went to to dinner with victor, jon, and daniel. my and my ex boyfriends best friends. my ex boyfriend was supposed to be there, but of course didnt show. The boys and I talked about absolutely everything that had happened and why we all stopped talking. It basically came down to the break up tore us all apart. We cried and we laughed and we fixed everything. After dinner we all had a blast, and cried a little bit more because of how thankful we were to have fixed everything. For a minute though, we were sad Michael should have been there, but i tried and thats all i can do. I am so happy with what came out of that dinner. Second chances are scary but they are always worth it, always. They were my life those boys, and i got them back and i thank God every second. If i never would have gave it a second chance, i would have regretted it forever. Im going to orlando tomorrow, and so this is my last day in boca. my last sad attempt to make things right with the last person thats in my past. this is it. Hopefully he tries, if not ill continue to pray for him, but other than pray thats all he’ll be to me. BUT. im so so excited to go to orlando see everybody! anddddd halloween horror nights with my girlies! Things are different with me im all about trying to fix things and patch things up. its worth it you know ?! i miss everyone.

im what i am and im what im not. im sure happy with what ive got i live and love and laugh a lot, and well thats all i need.

 

i love you

i know well enough to know you never loved me so take that city & go

hm. havent written in awhile but its all good. Ktown has been very nice lately weathers been great too. 40’s in the morning, and 60’s for afternoon & evening its beautiful. SOO its funny all my friends consider me the ”boy crazy” one of the group. not so much anymore. ive just been so fed up with guys, i guess ive been lied to and hurt to much lately. ive been focusing a lot more on my family, friends, and well myself. i love my family more than anything and i can not wait to see them. my dad is a great man he’d do anything for me my mom and my brother, and well probably for anyone else. mom is something else shes my role model & though she sometimes tells me things i dont want to here i know she loves me more than anything. my brother, he’s been through more things then you will ever go through in your life. he’s grown so much & is doing so well now, he’s been sober for so long and im just so proud. Now, my friends. Brittany is great i miss her so much. shes too hard on herself sometimes but always always means well. i dont really know what id do with out her, and i cant wait to see her. Next is Rose. ah, rose. shes crazy shes the type of friend who you dont have to talk to everyday but she’ll always be there even though shes always got some type of drama i love her. Liss shes amazing i dont know how she does this long distance relationship stuff but shes so good at it. i look up to her, i think she may be one of the only people who has seen me at my first and ive seen her at hers i miss her. Megan shes so bubbly and full of energy, probably one of the nicest people ive ever met we have soo much fun together we laugh so hard no matter what. Ashley oh ash shes the mom of the group. but we love her, its so hard to get her to have fun sometimes but i just love her to death. Joanna and i have been friends for years, and we reunited in highschool i love her, and we still keep in touch always and it can be 2am and we can call eachother.Kiara. now kiara and i had a huge falling out towards the end of our senior year, and now that i think about it its probably one of the worst things thats ever happened to me. she was like my sister we did everything together and recently we patched everything up and i talked to her tonight about everything we both cried. she is one of the most important people to me, they all are all these girls theyve never left me even if we had a falling out or a fight. i love them. the funny thing is these girls arent here in Ktown in fact im in an entirely different state then them, but distance is nothing when it compares to them.

Boys. soo fed up with boys. this is for a few of them. some of you wont understand any of this, some will understand a little and some will understand everything. i am not going to wait around for you anymore. i dont really think you loved me i think you wanted to be in love. you used me i know it, its fine i forgive you. i know you love where you are thats great. im not going to use capitlization or punctuation for you. im not who you think i am. i think about you a lot but its done. dont lie to me anymore. dont act like you miss me.

you hurt me in more ways then one & when you called me i knew you didnt expect me to answer. i think everyone deserves to be forgiven, i will be your friend. i forgive but dont forget. i know you have changed, and despite what you did i still pray for you. ill see you when i see you but thats it.

i want to thank you for the best year of highschool. you broke my heart but i  learned from you, i pray for you and i hope everything is going well. hopefully someday in the future we’ll be able to have a conversation and be ok. i want you to know that you were the first person to change my life as i knew it. i hope you can fall in love again, and i hope its just as great.  i hope youll forgive me someday & i hope ill forgive you. there will be a spot in my heart for you always.

 

New boys.

Paul is the weirdest fricken kid ive ever met, but in a strange wayyy he’s sweet. we’ll see where that goes. Jordan he is just a best friend ive made up here, nothing more than a brother figure but thats good haha Eric is cute, but eh. Hopefully him & Emily will get something going. (emily is one of my friends here <3)

 

all you need is family & friends and if you are lucky enought to find a great guy than perfect. if not thats fine too. i cant wait to go home & halloween horror nights with just the girls.

 

you know what? im okay.

ktown – gville rap.

Me:

take a look at my license plate

im not the kind of girl you normally date

gotta lot of love so you best not hate

take a look at my license plaaaate

 

i laugh at you cause you have no beach

you laugh at me because of my speech

im from florida im no georgia peach

i laugh at you cause you have no beach

 

can you hang me my jacket please

back home its like 90 degrees

in ktown all i do is freeze

so would you hang me my jacket pleeeease

 

the spiders always trying to be my friend

i live out in the woodlands

i dont want to  be like SPIDER MAN

now let me introdue you to muh friend

Brittany:

the gator swamp is where i reside

i know all about spanish pride

hope on my bike if you need a ride

the gator swamp is where i reside

 

i take the bus everywhere i go

chevorlet dealership YOU KNOW!

thats where i make all my dough

i take the bus everywhere i gooo

 

if youre a gator raise your glass

too bad i dont have a spanish class

my roomates would help me pass

i said now if you a gator raise your glassss

 

ooo rocky top – gator chomp

boca raton – our home we’ll never drop

yall knew we’d be on top

ooo rocky top – gator chomp

 

LMFAO more to come

 

 

 

someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain

 

Ninety miles outside Chicago

cant stop driving I dont know why

So many questions I need an answer

Two years later your still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart

who hold the stars up in the sky

is true love once in a lifetime

did the captain of the Titanic cry?

 

Someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain

Someday we’ll know why the sky is blue

Someday we’ll know why I wasnt meant for you

 

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis

or what the wind says when she cries

Im speeding by the place that I met you

for the 97th time tonight.

 

Someday we’ll know why Samson loved Delilah

One day I’ll go dancing on the moon

Someday you’ll know that I was the one for you.

 

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

I watched the stars crash in the sea

if I could ask God just one question..

Why arent you here with me, tonight

 

Someday youll know that I was the one for you.

 

Someday we’ll know – Jonathan Foreman & Mandy Moore

its a love story baby just say yes.

Love Story – Taylor Swift    thats my new favorite song

Ive been soo busy lately, but its been nice actually. Brittany came to town last weekend it was soo soo much fun, and I think it was exactly what i needed. I needed someone to come and show me that im ok, and that everyone feels like this now and then. We had a blast. Bee and Loni  got along really well to so that was good. Loni was so funny when she was drunk haha talking about the fish nets and gator chomps gotta love that girl. The first night we went to RT’s hahaahahahahaha sucked. We made creeper friends trying to get out, they were ” following our pathway.” EW. I was holding on to Bee so tight because the creeper behind me kept touching my neck lmao. So we got out of there, and walked around and got the text from Marshy lmao they were at the phi delt house, so we are on our way and of course they leave. We decided to go back to my apartment and had more fun than we could have possibly had if we were out. The next day we went to the game no passing out for me . So funny we parked on literally the other side of towned and hitchhiked to the fricken stadium under the railroad tracks, and through the forrest, down the hill lmao. SO funny & we made gator friends of course they were creepers. The Vols got dominated as always so we headed to ruby amazing tuesdays and ate, and got THE TEXT from Marshy that the frat boys were going to be at this place called Valarium till 1:30 so we went home and got ready pregamed a tad and OF COURSE they left where they were and went to the strip. We met up with Marshy, Pat, Morgan, and the other frat boys on the strip and walked around and around and around bee and I left because we were exhausted. The next day Bee had to leaaveeee   we had so much fun though. She is my absolute best friend ever, and the minute she walked away was the minute i missed her again so much. I love you Brittany. So sundayyy night came and Loni and I realized our apartment is divided 2 vs 2. So funny. Then we worked out and such. Yes, I work out now its crazy i know! ahhhhhhahaha. I set up my own fricken DVD player last night kuddos to me. Ah, and now monday im just in my room before class watchin friends. My favorite show. Good thing my roomates and I have every season on DVD. Last night some things hit me pretty hard when I caught word of them, but its time to move on for good, to cut all contact just like the other person obviously wants too. I never did anything, but I cant sit here and worry anymore, it hurts to much, and its stupid. Its stupid when you just want to say happy birthday to someone who you took in when they had no where to go, and they dont have the decency to say thank you. Its stupid when you had a great realtionship with someone, and when you ask how things are they dont respond and  ” delete” you out of there life. Thats fine, but just realize the next time you realize what youve done I wont be there waiting. Not anymore. 9 months is a long time to be with someone, and just to drop them out of your life but forget me & ill have no problem forgetting you. Im done with that. Moving on is one of the hardest things in life, but if you cant move on, youll never find what youre looking for. ANYWAY, I was listening to this song earlier today  Goodbye by Miley Cyrus ( oh hell ya she rocks right britt ) and got me thinking like craaaazy. ” I woke up this morning and played our song and through my tears i sang along, I picked up the phone and then put it down.” I dont know maybe if I wasnt so far away itd be easier. I miss you so much more and more and moreeee. Its hard when i dont talk to you everyday. I love youuuu.

 

PS sooooooooo excited to come home in october. i miss melissa & my parents & dogggggies & everyone so much so so much!

i love reading this

i`ve learned when you grow away from your friends you always find yourself hanging on to the one time you can remember you were all happy. in high school there is never just one romance. you will always want the things or guys you can`t have. people WiLL hurt you even if they might not mean to. kisses are not contracts & they don`t mean forever. just because people say i love you doesn`t mean that they do. long glances are twice as better than short. learning to forgive & forget is one of life`s many virtues. laugh when you fight for dumb reasons. always try to spend quality time with friends. go to sleep with a clear mind. .you`ll sleep better. the guy who loves you the most usually doesn`t have to say it because you can just feel it when he`s around. is it possible to be friends with someone you once loved ? some say yes, some say no. i think it depends on how much you loved them. if someone loves you, that doesn`t mean they`ll never hurt you. nothing can make you stay & nothing can make you leave. the heart only loves what it likes & hates what it doesn`t. when you think about him, is all you can do is remember your past ? or is all you can do is think about your future ?  learning to forgive yourself after a mistake is always going to be hard. telling you one thing & doing another is wrong. no matter how many times you look back, never regret what you did. a part of me will always be with you. the heart is forever inexperienced, although it can be broken it keeps beating just the same. we love being in love & that`s the truth. to love is to admire with the heart. to admire is to love with the mind. the head never rules the heart, it just becomes it`s partner in crime. we know things better through love than knowledge. people who do not take chances or risks limit themseleves. people who say dreams never come true, never have had one that did. sometimes it takes a twist of fate to make a miracle. i don`t know whether to love you or hate you. a friend is a friend. . a lover is a lover. . being both just becomes too complicated.  sometimes the best things in life really are free. breaking up is harder to do the longer you wait. love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longests, hurts the deepest & feels the strongest. no one has even loved anyone. . the way everyone wants to be loved. we all want to be in love for the simple reason that it is the one experience that makes us feel like we truly belong. when you fall too fast you get burned. the hardest part of learning a love lesson is the part where you have to walk away. he may be perfect but he is human. a smile can change everything, a kiss can`t cure everything, & i`m sorry won`t work forever. a phone call has the power to make or break you. sometimes you just gotta go. sometimes you gotta call a past to help a future. it is possible to fall for someone. . no matter how quick you fall. there is pain no matter what. . the pain that comes before the love or the pain that comes when it`s all over. i still love you, i just don`t know what you are now. i love you, you change me. you love me, i change you. therefore you & i will never fully know each other because we are always changing one another. i feel so alive cause someone like you found me & suddenly nothing is the same. …